i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
