mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
