Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
