You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
