If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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