Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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