made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
