First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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