Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
