he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
