party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
