It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
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MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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