Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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