It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
