Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
