good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
