Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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