There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
