Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is my gift to your gina
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
