i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
