She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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