haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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