The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
