my room smells like sperm. sweet.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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