it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
