I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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