Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
