I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
