Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
