I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
