The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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