He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
