Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
