apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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