Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
