i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
