why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
