This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
