We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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