Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
