so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
