i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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