she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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