I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
