She is in my trunk
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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