Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
