I'm going to jail i love you
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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