He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
