I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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