does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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