dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
