Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
