I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.