i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.