Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
