the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
