A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize