So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
