Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
