Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
