Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
