Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
