i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
