I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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