walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
