WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
