How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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