Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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