He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
