He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
