party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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