We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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